Hard limits are boundaries that you aren’t willing to compromise. If there are certain things that you’re just not into, consider those hard limits. For example, you go to a BDSM scene party and it’s made up solely of people whose kink is popping balloons that may probably not be for you. Although we may not call this a hard limit, it’s an example of something that you just aren’t into. This falls under the category of being open minded, but discovering that some kinks that just aren’t for you no matter the situation.
A hard limit is something you’re never into no matter what the circumstances, and that repels you. That the difference between a kink you are not into and a repellent kink or fetish is disinterest versus disgust. Don’t ignore your hard limits. Even if you meet a beautiful woman off one of the few legit fetish sites who you really like, never break your hard limits. Trust us, we’ve run into some problems and it’s really not worth it.
Here’s some of our overall advice and experience with this topic. The thing is, BDSM pushes you to your limits. Setting where those limits stop is important and you should always communicate with your partner. Now, let’s get you ready to go the limit.
Listen to Your Own Instincts
According to the blog at the RainbowHub.com, hard limits are defined as things that are set in stone that you will not do, whether out of mental, emotional, or physical health. The BDSM scene also distinguishes between hard and soft limits. Hard limits are the ones that you will never transcend but soft limits are boundaries that you generally prefer to keep intact, but that you’re willing to push with the right person.
The bottom line about hard limits is that listening to your instincts is the key. Don’t go pushing your own limits if you feel like you’re fooling yourself. It’s only going to end up with disastrous consequences and you’ll ruin your own experience in the BDSM scene.
When you’re new to the scene, try going in steps to determine how you feel about limits. Check out some legit fetish sites and try and locate events that sound like somewhere you might fit in. Play with a variety of women and see how it goes. The point of the BDSM scene is to define and establish your own kinks and limits and use them as a framework of how you want to play.
When You Should Push a Limit
The easy answer to this question is pushing a limit when you want to. For example, you meet a woman whose company you really enjoy off one of the legit fetish sites. She seems like an amazing partner who shares all your own kinks, so you agree to go for a play session. Where you meet up, at a public club or party, or in private, are irrelevant. Pay attention to how you’re feeling. Whether you’re a top or a bottom, you can still experience hard limits.
What will happen is that you’ll find that you simply can’t continue with certain kinks, but you can with others. These are the definitions of two different types of limits. If you start to experience the urge to push the softer limits, then go ahead and do so if the woman is the right person.
When you go through with it, don’t be afraid to stop the process at any time. Just because you say you’re into pushing a soft limit and going forward doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind; some limits are meant to be pushed and some aren’t.
When You Shouldn’t Push a Limit
You shouldn’t push a limit if there’s not a solitary trace of enjoyment anymore. If you meet a woman in a site like TotalFantasyDating.com, make sure that it is a legit site by reading the reviews of the fetish dating site. Read TotalFantasyDating Review: Find Out If This Site Is a Scam. Learn if it is a real dating site because women in this site may seem perfect. Usually, if you’re taking the time to meet a woman in person who you met on the Internet, there’s something special about her. You can trust a woman who you’ve had a good time with.
However, you have to remember that certain kinks aren’t for everyone. For example, if the woman you’re with is into caning and caning makes your stomach churn, it’s perfectly fine to call it as a hard limit. Everyone’s limits are different and you shouldn’t be ashamed to name yours.
The fact of the matter is that only bad things can happen when you push a hard limit. Limits are there for a reason, whether psychologically, or specified in the rules and regulations of a particular party or club.
Learning the Rules and Breaking Them
Hard limits aren’t to be crossed, but soft limits can potentially be nudged. If you find the right woman to play with, this can be an intense activity. The old adage of knowing the rules in order to break them applies here.
A soft limit should only be explored with women you know. For example, don’t try to explore limit pushing with strangers. That’s never going to work and trying to push yourself beyond your own emotional and mental capacity inevitably ends up in trauma and regret. Respect yourself and let your own intuitive boundaries come through. It’s only prudent when you’re playing in the BDSM scene and safer for everyone involved.
The best way to approach a soft limit is with caution. Let’s say your soft limit is being caned, for example. The limit might be considered soft, because although you think you’re not interested, you’re still curious. This is an example of a soft limit where, with the right partner, you can push certain boundaries. Just learn the difference between wanting to and feeling obligated.
Learning to Recognize and Request Information about Other People’s Hard Limits
It’s perfectly acceptable, and often expected, to ask new partners about their hard and soft limits. You should always respect a partner’s limits, and moderate your behavior based on what their requests are. This goes both ways, so you can expect the same.
This also cuts out partners that aren’t compatible with your own kinks, especially if their limits have to do with things that you actually kink on. Hard limits are serious things, and often originate from different types of trauma, or simply emotionally uncomfortable associations for some people.
Hard limits also separate fantasy from reality. In real life, many people have things that they’re not willing to try, or bottom lines. Even though the BDSM scene prides itself on experimentation and alternative lifestyles, it can be good to define what you are and aren’t willing to do on sites like TotalFantasyDating.com. People’s kinks can fall on the extreme side at times so you should make it clear what your own limits are.
Don’t be afraid to spell this out the first time you meet someone you want to play with. Trust and communication are the foundation of the BDSM scene, and one of the most important parts of understanding limits in the first place. Be clear about what you do and don’t want when you discuss a scene with someone for the first time, and don’t be embarrassed. Hard limits are in place for a reason, and if your body is telling you that you really don’t enjoy something, then you should listen.